


Hate Me

by DreamingKate



Category: Glee
Genre: Depression, M/M, Post The Break Up, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-05
Updated: 2014-07-05
Packaged: 2018-02-07 14:12:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1902006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingKate/pseuds/DreamingKate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He used words like weapons</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Future Fic. “I am not a cheating slut. I am not a cheating whore. I am human and I made a mistake.” Even though Blaine and Kurt are engaged and living together Blaine still sometimes has bad days. On those days, when the old feelings of guilt threaten to re consume him, Blaine practices the affirmations he developed to help him get through. On one of those same days Kurt accidentally overhears Blaine and discovers that even now his fiance struggles with the past.
> 
> Prompt: Something involving blangst and Hate Me by Blue October. I love your writing!

Kurt doesn’t realise how upsetting it is to his fiancé that he always brings up the cheating incident when they argue because they know its the one thing that will stop Blaine in his tracks and make him walk away.

 

Sometimes, things came out of Kurt’s mouth before he could think them through. After years of being bullied and scared, Kurt used his wit and poisoned words to defend himself. As soon as something made him feel slightly threatened, it came out. He found a weakness, and he struck.

 

"It’s our anniversary Kurt," Blaine snapped. "I understand that some of your friends want to do karaoke but I want to go out just the two of us."

 

"But you can come too! It’ll be fun," Kurt argued back, a hand sliding up to rest on his hip.

 

"I don’t want to come. I want to spend our anniversary with you!" Blaine’s eyes flashed.

 

"Well, which anniversary is it? Our first one or when we got together after you cheated on me?" And just like that, the fight was over. Blaine’s eyes widened slightly and he spun on his heel before disappearing into their bedroom.

 

He felt a little guilty but Kurt knew it was necessary. Justin was going to be there and it was the only night he could go. If Kurt became friends with Justin it was a guarantee that he would be in his newest student film. The last one had been put into a festival and Kurt needed it for his resume. They would have many more anniversaries, Blaine would get over it. 

 

Kurt walked by the curtain to his bedroom, wanting to just grab his coat and go. Then he froze in his tracks as he heard frantic, harsh whispers.

 

"I am not a cheating slut. I am not a cheating whore. I am human and I made a mistake. I am not a cheating slut. I am not a cheating whore. I am human and I made a mistake. I am not a cheating slut. I am not a cheating whore. I am human and I made a mistake."

 

"Blaine," Kurt glanced into the room and Blaine’s head shot up, face stained with tears. Instantly, Kurt rushed to his side and knelt in front of him. "Honey?"

 

I’m sorry,” Blaine pulled away. “That’s just something my therapist told me to do when I got upset.”

 

Therapist?

 

"What?" Kurt frowned, a nervous feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. "I’m sorry what I said, that crossed the line."

 

"Then why do you keep saying it?" Blaine’s voice cracked. "You say it all the time. I know that you hated me then but I had hoped that…that you didn’t hate me now."

 

"Of course I don’t!" Kurt shook his head. "I could never hate you."

 

"You know how sorry I am and how much I hate myself. Why would you keep bringing it up?" Blaine was trembling slightly and Kurt felt speechless. What was he supposed to say? That he just wanted to win in their fights? Kurt felt tears fill his own eyes and Blaine shrunk back.

 

"I’m sorry."

 

"I just want to make you happy," Blaine whispered, bowing his head. "I just want to make up for the mistake I made."

 

Kurt thought back to how many times he had used that particular weapon against Blaine and felt sick. He didn’t think he could ever make up for this horrendous mistake. Kurt moved up to kiss his fiancé, guilt choking him. He would do anything to never hear Blaine whisper those words again.

 

_And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave_

_Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made_

_And like a baby boy I never was a man_

 

_Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand_

 

_And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”_

 

_Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be_

 

_And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”_


	2. Remind Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Sequel to Hate Me? Naybe Kurt forgets, and accidently brings it up again? I love all your writing so much!!

They were still walking on eggshells around each other. 

Blaine would give him these tiny little smiles that caused his stomach to clench painfully with guilt and he would have to look away. How much did he even know about Blaine? Was he really so wrapped up in his own mind that he didn’t know what was bothering his fiancé?

“Are you mad at me?” Blaine asked softly, placing a hand on his back when they lay in bed together. 

“No,” Kurt sighed, turning so he could face him. “I just never know what to say to you.”

“I hope…we can still talk,” Blaine sounded unsure. 

“No, I just never want to hurt you again,” Blaine gave him a small smile and sighed.

“We’re getting married. We’re going to hurt each other,” he mumbled. “We just need to be able to talk about it. Both you and me.”

For a few days, they opened up and things were so much better. They were talking and laughing together again, feeling like they were beginning to fit with each other again. Kurt found himself relaxing and the earlier incident was pretty much forgotten. 

Habits are so easy to slip back into.

It was a stupid argument over where they wanted to go for dinner that became far too complicated. First, it was Italian versus Mexican. Then, it was arguments over distance. Then, it became an argument over who made the last decision. Then, it became who had the most say in the relationship. 

“Of course you don’t think it’s you! You never think it’s you!” Kurt found himself shouting. “I mean, you probably weren’t upset after-“

“No!” Blaine shouted, jumping forward. “No! You do  _not_  get to make me feel like that.”

The words quickly died on Kurt’s tongue and he snapped his mouth shut, eyes wide. For a moment, his mind went blank and he stared at Blaine as he struggled to return his breathing to normal.

“I do  _not_  deserve that Kurt,” Blaine snapped. 

“No…no I’m sorry,” he whispered, hot shame burning through him. 

“And…and I don’t like that,” tears filled his eyes and Blaine let out a soft, gasping sob. “I don’t. I don’t. I don’t.”

“I’m sorry,” Kurt covered his own mouth with his hands. “It just slipped. I’m trying Blaine, please.”

Blaine’s jaw tightened and he rocked on his feet a little, taking in a deep breath. “This needs to stop.”

“You’re right,” Kurt nodded furiously. 

Relaxing slightly, Blaine sighed. He rubbed at his face with his hands before stepping forward and kissing his fiancé. 

“Just try, that’s all I ask,” he whispered. 


End file.
